she's such a chamer, oh no!

the sun is deceiving - I wake to it, hoping it will bring me warmth, solace. Again, I am left cold and lost... wandering, aimlessly - looking for something that could point me in the "right" direction. I feel the weight rise and fall, and I fight it - hoping to keep it off. It's selfish of me, and I know it - but I can't help but give into the voice telling me it's time to be. Maybe I've been selfish all along, but I couldn't tell you the truth. We are our own best deception - blind to our patterns, our trials and trivializations. Imagine your a girl, just trying to finally come clean... knowing full-well they prefer you were dirty, and smiling. I'm sure this doesn't make any sense to any of you (if there are any of you..) reading this. I apologize for that - but at the same time, if you came here with any expectations - you came to the wrong place.