its a long long road

I'm a fighter through and through - but there will always be times where I feel defeated, and take a back seat to watch the show. I don't want to watch, I don't want to keep my thoughts to myself - I want to work my ass off to make what needs to happen, happen. Sometimes though, like now, the best thing I can do is take the back seat. So this is me, taking said seat and watching the progress. I know all I can do is change my own patterns - but something I need to stop trying to do is changing other peoples patterns to make up for the lack of my own changes. I want things done a certain way, and have ridiculous expectations - both of which are very intrusive problems. It has been a long haul these last couple years - and in that time I have lost sight of how humanity functions and the needs and demands that come with every relationship. I feel so strung out a lot of the time, that it clouds my perception of how I should treat the people who surround me. I get so caught up in the day-to-day that I forget to sit back, and take it all in one breath at a time, and in the mean time I start lighting subconscious fires under bridges that are already terribly structured. It's like I don't even realize it's happening either until its ablaze and the residents of said bridges are running to safety. I guess in the end, that's what defines the true relationships in my life and the ones that should be burnt ... the ones that are true, will recognize it, and come help me put out the fire and take my apology when it's all said and done. {well that was the most random post yet, I think... thinking out loud, I guess} happy friday.