mission: leaving it in the past = in progress.

Something that I've always had a really hard time with is letting go. It has on occasion taken me years to finally accept that a person needs to leave my life. Other times though, when someone leaves with out and explanation, I am stuck holding on to old memories for a very long time. I can accept it, and understand for the most part - but I hold it, somewhere deep and don't let go. It's no wonder that I am heavy with the weight of my choices, the paths I have taken, the people I've let join me. They carry on with me, even after their presence is physically gone. It's an unnecessary weight, but I don't want to let go of old friends in hope that one day we'll somehow bump back into each other, and everything will be restored. I guess the question would then be, why not leave the past in the past, and leave that space for new memories? I'm working on it. I'm trying to eliminate the bad and make room for all that is good in my life. There is so much good - I don't know when I felt it became my responsibility to feel the guilt of all that has gone wrong. I don't know why I've made myself into the bearer of the weight people have left behind. It would be so much easier if I could train myself to observe, understand, accept and leave it behind. But for some godforsaken reason, I pick it up -put in my pocket and carry it around like some treasure to be held cautiously and carefully. The worst part about it all is that, only I can change my patterns. One foot in front of the other, get in the car, get out to the highway and role down the window - one by one, drop the old memories on the side of the road... and never look back. I'm on a mission, get out of my way :)