should-have-beens

joining the ranks of women (and men) who sit alone on this day, every year - mourning. the loss, the never-was, the should-have-beens. the whatifs and onlyifs playing through over and over again in my head like a tape reel. and what good does it do? left unsatisfied and distraught just like the memories floating through my mind. I don't suppose I'll ever know just why it came to this.. it's so far gone, so past my peripheral vision. the haunting realities of not being enough to deserve more, not validated in my demands to render better. So if I lay down, close my eyes and keep still .. it can't touch me. The surges of pain and regret will course through me, just enough to keep me rooted in the place I lay.. but not enough to pull me under. Maybe for a day, I can hope for something more than this.