How to articulate something so big, with so much attached? I often find myself at a loss to effectively communicate what I'm thinking.. maybe I'm just not doing it right. I am often left in a place to second guess my decisions and feelings.. it's a very destructive place to be. and I know nothing but being last to someone who I always put first. Now, in time of despair and tragedy I am realizing that in order to have a healthy relationship with anyone else I need to have a healthy understanding of my own self. I don't know who I am anymore.. when did I lose it? ...What I do know is that I need some help, I need some understanding... I need some time. How am I to care for another if I cannot, firstly, care for myself? I sit on the sidelines watching myself deteriorate.. watching myself fall, get back up, get knocked down, get back up, get pushed down... get back up. And so all I'm asking for is some peace. Some moments in time to devote to getting back to a place where I am able to love me first. What else have I ever asked for? What have I ever taken for myself? I give, and I give, and I give.... and it's not enough, it's never close to perfect. So give me the time, with no reservations. Give me the peace, that I've worked so long and hard for. Give me the respect, that I have not only given, but that I deserve. It is not about yesterday, or tomorrow - it is about a moment in time, that is mine alone. When you're at the bottom, there is no way to go but up.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eX7nMCRSqJU&feature=g-all-u&context=G216118bFAAAAAAAABAA
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