the morning of...

"mummmmma! muuuummmmmaaaaaaaaa.... MUMMA!!!" I hear, as I lay half asleep in my very
warm cocoon. I keep my eyes closed, and let the sound of her hailing sink into my sub-conscience. I tell myself 'get up before Emma does.. make your body move.' It doesn't want to listen, and somewhere inside my head another Katie is telling me to just fall back asleep 'she'll be fine, she's in her crib'. That Katie never wins, she's very selfish and very lazy - she rarely even pokes her head out anymore because of the constant rejection she is met with. I open my eyes, remove my feet from the crevice of blanket they have buried themselves in, and onto the cold and unwelcoming floor beside my bed. This is always the hardest part, thrusting my warm body into the cold of my home. My eyes are hardly open, as I stumble my way into the room next to mine. I am greeted with a very large and eager smile, and it is nearly impossible not to be infected with the happiness that is a child in the morning. So full of energy and life, I feel discouraged for not instantly feeling the same. Alas, my body is still not ready to do my duties - so I grab Sophie in both arms, hold her close and wisp her back into my room for some cuddling. She obliges for a moment, then pokes her head up from the crease between my arm and breast and inquires as to Dad's whereabouts. My answer is never good enough, and she looks at me with a pout and says "uh-oh". She does not like it when he's not here to cuddle in the morning too, and I wish with all my might that I could explain that those days are coming. Soon enough, he will always be here, and mornings will once again change. She takes what I give her, but decides that being in my bed is no longer satisfactory and hopes off the side and into the living room. She quickly returns with a movie case, and with her very sweet demeanor she encourages me out of bed once more to fetch her a snack and some juice, and to start her movie. My actions prove to be good enough, as she settles into her chair with her animal crackers and water bottle - she quickly forgets about me, and intently watches the screen in front of her. A part of me so very much wishes she had no interest at all in that box, but I've already made my bed with it, and now I must lay in it. I sneak back into my room and take refuge in the warmth once more, one eye open and both ears cocked, just to be sure. Moments later, I hear Emma stir and within seconds she is in the living room greeting her sister with a smile, a hug, and a kiss. They are very lovely towards each other in the mornings, and it restores my faith in the knowledge that one day they will be best friends. I can't help but feel nostalgic as I lay here, thinking of Lise and I as young children - the fighting, playing, confiding, and comfort.. there is nothing quite like a sister. Emma stops for a moment to observe Sophie's positioning in the living room, the snack and movie.. and decides to come greet me as well. She hops on top of me and immediately, just as her baby sister did.. inquires to his whereabouts. My answer again, does not suffice and it leaves me feeling a bit discouraged. I wish he would have come, but at the very same time I understand why he didn't. Emma lays with me for only a moment, tells me she must go to the potty but that she'll "be right back mum, don't worry!" Of course, she doesn't return for as she enters the living room once again, the movie playing on the television screen captivates her attention. She happily settles down beside Sophie and quietly they watch together. I look at the clock, it's only 7:08 - and I wish I could go back to sleep, but I know better and once again force my warm feet onto that cold floor. This time, I rummage around in my drawer for some pants and some socks and this makes the task at hand much more bearable. I walk into the kitchen, put the kettle on and set out my mug, tea bag, milk & sugar. I'd prefer honey, but haven't bought any in some time now, I'm not sure why.. I stand waiting, and the water boils fairly quickly (quick enough that I can stand in the kitchen waiting for it). I put the tea bag in the mug, pour the boiling water over top, and head to the washroom to relieve myself. By the time I'm done, the tea is ready and I pour in too much sugar and just enough milk. I'm satisfied, and so I bounce back to the bedroom and turn on the lappy - tap my fingers impatiently a few times (this darn thing always takes far to long to load up) and get bored of waiting so I head back to where the girls are and load them both up with plenty of kisses and cuddles. My happy bubble is then burst as Emma starts a squabble with Sophie about "being too close" and I retreat to my bedroom once more, to tell you all about the start to my day...and this, is my life. I can hear Emma in the background, srceaming about the recorder Sophie is wailing on being "TOO LOUD!" (as if her screaming about it isn't?) so I must go and mediate... happy saturday.