my hands are tied - with a gun to my head.

I fell asleep, worrying. I woke up, worrying. No wonder I am so stressed out all of the time - I even worry in my sleep! I tell myself I make my own decisions, but then let everyone else's opinions weigh so heavily on mine... and when it comes down to it, that means I'm not actually making my own. It would be a lot easier if there wasn't so much expectation of what I "should" do. There is really no appeal left about New Years Eve for me at this point though. I would quite happily just have the girls stay home, stay up late and watch a movie, fall asleep cuddling, and wake up in 2010. I don't care about the parties, I don't care about the obligation. There's too much coming at me from every angle, that at this point in time - I have no interest, at all. The build up on the party, the midnight kiss.. leaves me with all these expectations of what New Years should be - so it's no wonder I can't figure out what to do. I think when it come down to it, I see it as "a night away" so I want to do something fun, exciting even... but with all the stress that comes a long with that want, makes me just want to stay home. If I go one way, I'm ditching my boyfriend for my friends. If I go the other way, I'm ditching my friends for my boyfriend. And no, it's too much to ask for everyone to do the same thing. I feel like a damn highschooler all over again - hence the want to just stay in with my kids! That way, it pisses everyone off equally. Really, what else can I do though? My hands are tied. I'm the bad guy, regardless. Wicked. Yay to awful starts to the day :(