I had a dream that I was missing my hands. I didn't seem bothered by this unfortunate event, and went about my day-to-day life, struggling all the way. I kept finding myself in situations where I would need hands - and so I would be rendered helpless and defeated. It was constant, over and over I would come upon a task and be left to sit and watch and feel like a failure. I had no control, no power - nothing. When I woke up, I realized this is something I very rarely let happen. If I start to loose control, I dominate the situation so that anyone else trying to help me is left defeated and helpless instead. I realized sometimes these hands probably do more harm than good, and maybe that's why I didn't have hands. It was my minds way of saying "hey, Katie, how about you let go for a little and let someone else take the wheel?" - a subconscious wake up call, so to speak.
There will always be someone who will worry about me, always someone to sit anxiously as I tell my story or explain my mind. I would like everyone to stop worrying, stop biting their nails about my actions and decisions - stop second guessing every step I make. What I need from humanity at this point are brains as vast and complex as mine - or at least brains that are willing to accept that's the way mine functions. I like to re-think my every step, and I like to be sure. I'm more than aware that a lot of people don't think like this - but for once it would be nice to be accepted for the way I am instead of being expected to fit some kind of mold of how I should be doing things. If it wasn't working, I'd welcome the concern and worry and anxiousness. I would like some trust from the world in letting me decide when it was or wasn't working. I would like some support for the system I've got going, and a little recognition for what I do to keep it functioning. That's all, just a little support - just a little understanding - just a little respect.
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