maybe

It is a very common practice to adapt to expectation. Someone does the dishes every day, every week, and never fails - you begin to just expect it to be done by that person. If one person takes on the responsibility of mending to rips and tares, patching the holes and starting the reno's in the first place - time and time again, someone else in that house will just grow to expect that it is that person who will continue to do the work (unless of course, it is verbally requested they are lent a hand..) It is also grown to be an expectation that the act of verbalizing ones thoughts and opinions will always take action first and foremost if that is what generally happens. If I were to always say when I was upset, or angry, or sad, or happy and express why without hesitation - the person on the receiving end of said verbalization would grow to expect that they would not have to take any part in the process. They would grow to assume that I would just say it, without taking time for quiet observation. After all, if that is the norm, it is now an expectation right? Well what happens when I don't feel like doing the dishes, and I don't feel like starting the renos - and I don't FEEL like being verbal with my feelings. One thing I have learned is that if you grow to expect anything, you've grown to comfortable and you need to throw some cold water in your face. Always expect the unexpected - and own up to the responsibility of taking action where someone else may have left off.

And maybe, I like my privacy. Maybe I like having a special place I can go where I won't be ridiculed for my opinions and thoughts. Where there are other people who understand, who have compassion and are willing to listen without some kind of reserved judgment. Maybe I hold on to that with a death grip, and won't share it because it's all I've got to make me feel like my opinions and thoughts are important on certain topics. Maybe, it should be understood that everyone has their own spot - like midnight visits on the deck, with no word being said.

Maybe I'd like some companionship that comes without frustration and opinions. Maybe I would like someone to sit at my side, and try to understand without judging and assuming first. Maybe I'm asking too much.