I do(n't)

It all happened so fast, and I'm learning now that it only worked to destroy. It feels as though a lifetime has passed, but some days, like this day.. it's as fresh as the one that ended it all. I can sympathize with the misunderstanding that I should be happy, relieved - that this shouldn't phase me. But if you've never had to face this shame, you can't possibly know. If you've never known the pain of losing something you loved with all of your being, of failing at something you put everything into - there is no way to comprehend it. It probably seems foolish - a day in time, devoted to something riddled with the lies of a commitment that never followed through. To me, it is the heart break all over again. It's a love I let burn so high and so hard - without reservations. It's a life I so badly wanted, a life I deserved. So today, this 25th of August, I will revisit the love and the lust and the loss. I will let my whole being shake with the pain that has been left to fade away... the pain that will never fully fade away. Lights will guide you home, and ignite your bones, and I will try to fix you.