dream

I dream that days are short and I am lost. I dream that I wake without having slept, that I am living outside, but inside I am dead. I dream that you can make it all go away, and numb the pain - but morning drags me from the other world, and I am groggy and tired. I wake up, not ever really awake - one foot in front of the other, and I work with what I've got, and remind myself it's not all my fault. It's not all fault. So much to be content with, so much to be proud of - but how do you enjoy a life that comes and goes in waves, and leaves you feeling abandoned and alone? So hard to separate the two, the me and the provider. I wake up, and stay asleep in my head - and do everything to hold off all the weight that I must put on as my feet hit the floor. I deserve it. This is something I caused. This is nothing I can comprehend, and sometimes all those words slip through the cracks. The cracks are getting bigger, and those words are losing their baring. It's time to wake up.