deserve

It's the rise and fall - the inconsistency of my every day. I just want it to level out, and stay the same for a little while... I am asking too much. It changes every day - and for so long I have been programmed to believe this is a fault of mine. That what changes, is my responsibility ... when reality is, I would do anything to stop the constant changing. The only constant is change, though. I wonder when I will find peace with the ever-moving style of this life I lead. The drastic ups and downs leave me drained and heart broken - and the reliance on the people who can't be relied on. I wish it were easier to just pack up and never look back. But I've never been able to let go, and so I will stay here, and let the weight kill me. Until tomorrow, when I find my strength again and keep moving onward.