intentionally bad at lieing

I often find myself wondering where my insecurity comes from. No matter how many times I trace my steps backwards, relive every moment and try and put the pieces together - I am still left feeling like there is no reason for it. I've got a great family, who loves an supports me no matter how many times I change my mind. I've got wonderful friends - who, despite my quarks and craziness, have my back regardless. I have two amazing daughters - who remind me on a daily basis how lucky I am to be alive, raising them, being their mother. I've also got an inspiring, loving and courageous partner - who can stand up to me, and stand behind me, and just stand me period. All these people, all the love and encouragement - and I am still left feeling like I'm not worth it. Most steps I take feel like I'm going in the wrong direction, most decisions feel like a mistake - why can't I have confidence in my strides and not constantly rethink my steps? I would like to drop my nervous laugh, and stop regretting the awkward things I say. Wear it all out, it's the only way I'm going to find some peace with it.