biggering and biggering until you burst

Tiptoeing as if to not disturb the rubble. I find myself laying in the heaps and mounds of garbage I have piled - I look peaceful. I wander around, inspecting every single corner of the mess and let it encase me. I find myself wondering how it all got there, how did so much accumulate within such a short period of time? Surely, I just cleaned it all up not too long ago? Now I'm standing here, watching myself laying, defeated and exhausted - and I am unable to talk myself into getting up. I just want me to get up and wander around with me ... help me explore, exploit, explain. I won't be able to do it without me - there are parts I don't understand - aspects of the rubble I can't possibly comprehend without me telling the story behind it. It would be so much simpler if we could just join forces and not have to face the separateness of who we each are. We are both entitled I suppose, to being separate - but it would make this so much simpler. I am reaching inside helplessly .. begging for a lending hand, at this point. I've given up dignity and self-respect just so I will get up, just to make me interested in the ongoing tasks at hand. It's almost like standing in a mirror - inspecting, picking apart ... but the reflection shifts when you do not, and then it's like looking through a window. What else can I do but lay down next to me, and wait for will power to resume within me - wait for me to get back up again and start cleaning this mess?