real thing.

An impostor. I have taken over this body, this mind, this life - and have had my way with it. I have ripped people apart, walked away from remaining shambles of a life - I have loved so deep it hurt me, and embraced terrible people with the trust that there was good. I have cried so hard I couldn't breathe, and laughed so hard I cried. I have been broken, I have been rescued, I have been beaten down, and I have had many a helping hand lifting me back up. I have been close to death, and I have brought new life to the world - and after all of that; the heartbreak, the joy, the sorrow, the happiness, the destruction and the construction = I am sitting, wondering, asking "well who the hell was I?" I was some better justification than my own reassurance. I search for a light of some kind that will rein down on me, and confirm my suspicion that it wasn't just me after all. I grow, I ebb & I flow - and at the end of it, I'm just a body filled with a dozen different Katie's trying to break out and be the leader. I must sound crazy... it must be hard to read all of that, trying to comprehend the ramblings of this mind. I just want some consistency - I want something harsh to wake me up and put me back on my toes. Give me the real thing.