I am having an identity crisis. Like, a typical 13-yr-old-I-don't-know-who-I-am-identity-crisis. It's actually almost shameful, and definitely a complete embarrassment. I am annoyed with the way my hair falls, I can't find one article of clothing that fits the right way, I can't look into the mirror and be satisfied. And it doesn't end there - I can't walk into my kitchen and not be angry. I hate that my wall paper is half ripped down - and I hate that my fridge is filthy and littered with pictures and magnets and art work (even that is something I feel the need to organize...) I feel the same way about my bedroom - I hate the yellow, I hate that nothing flows... I'm just all-over dissatisfied with everything material and my ego is deflated. It's funny - because having no control over it is what infuriates me, but it's exactly *why* I shouldn't be infuriated - I have NO control. So I should just let it go, and take a deep breath. Preacher by heart, but can't take any of my own advice. Another infuriating aspect of my life - I'm able to have answers for everyone else but myself. Put it on the back burner, and ignore myself. I can't even tell you what I want.. I'd just like to find some peace and quiet in my mind. Id love to blame it on hormones or PMS - but I don't even have the convenience of pointing a finger. It's all me, and only I can change it *sigh* why can't it just be simple? I like simple. Simple is good.
"Lately I've been glaring into mirrors, picking myself apart. You'd think at my age I'd thought of something better to do, than making insecurity into a full-time job, making insecurity into an art." Present/Infant - Ani Difranco
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