bare boned, and crazy.

Ive been refraining from writing too much about wedding planning here, for the sake of a "wow" factor maybe... or in reality it's probably because I hate verbalizing any of my plans, because it's always chucked back at me if I don't stick to it. I hate the expectations on my shoulders - the pressure to pick and choose and plan and secure. I don't understand why I'm being expected to do everything the "right way". When, ever in my life, have I done anything in the right order? or at the right time? All I know how to do is go with my own ebb and flow, sure of myself but nothing more. I don't rely on anyone else, because I've known so much disappointment and that is where the turbulence comes in. In order for this to work, I have to depend on a lot of other people - because I just don't have the time or the budget for a mass amount of error (which we all know would happen if left to my own devices). So here I am, ducking and swinging - protecting my head and hoping for the best while life swings a ball on a chain at me. I know, that I can rely on you - that I'm not *actually* alone in this. It's just so hard to swim against the current, and that's all we are going to be doing - fighting every damn odd. Mind over matter, right?