begin again

It's a pit in the bottom of my stomach, some sick need to hold on. Still feeling desperate, still wanting to "fix" it. There is no fixing, there is nothing. So i go through the motions of being alright - telling myself I'm doing okay. So why is it that the pain holds on like super glue? Why is it that in a moments time I feel it all over again, and the idea of this being "real" makes me sick to my stomach? I wonder how it is that it can be so similar, but happen to be worlds apart. I wonder how I'll ever get over this...