every tool is a weapon, if you hold it right

How do I even begin to explain the heart ache of another person? How do I tell a story I myself do not even understand, answer questions that have no answers? How do I relive the heartbreak of a child, for the sake of understanding. No one should have to understand such a weight, such a pain - so early in their lives. I want to help her understand what it means, and why we are where we are now. I want to help her grasp the concept of unconditional love - and why it went away. I don't know if I'll ever know the answer. I don't understand how anyone could ever walk away from a child, there is no rhyme or reason to it to help me explain it. I walk through the towering piles of boxes, all containing a piece of the past - a piece of the puzzle. It's all so much bigger than I know how to put into words, it's all so much bigger than my comprehension. I have not come to terms with the hate I have stored for her, the hate she can not yet understand or know how to feel. Who am I to hate for her? Her mother, her keeper, her guardian. Hating doesn't help me to get her through the pain we have to once again face, it doesn't help her to move on and forward. It doesn't help to wallow.