the business of being born

I felt the amniotic fluid drip down my leg, and I was sure that my bladder had let go completely this time. It was about 9pm that I noticed it but my water didn't break on it's own with Emma, so it was a new concept to grasp. Jenn was here, and she had to convince me that it was indeed my water breaking.. that this was the beginning. It's funny in hindsight, that Jenn was the one who sat with me for the first few hours - for at that point she was not only my enemy, but my best friend as well. So many emotions ran through me, but I was happy to have her here for some reason - happy to walk with her to get things started. By midnight, I had tired myself enough to lay in bed and close my eyes for an hour - so Jenn went home. The hour came and went, and by 1pm I was wide awake and contractions had finally started to make me notice. I reluctantly got out of bed, lite some candles and wandered around the house double checking the kitchen and the bathroom and the bedroom - calming my restless mind that I had managed to prepare my home for a birth all on my own. I called my mum, and I called Lindsey - they were here quickly. I was a lot more confident the second time around, I knew what I did and did not want. I made my way to the bathroom, and ran a bath. I was puking, and I felt really weak - but it didn't have any barring on my progress. Kat and Barb (my midwives) came sometime in the night, although I can't recall when or if I even noticed. We (they) blew up the birthing pool which took up the entire kitchen, just as I had intended. My mum made tea, and forced toast into me. Emma slept peacefully through it all. At one point (I recall it being around 4:11) I was laying on the couch, in a trance - and the sound of the ticking of my wall clock was driving me mental. So my mum took out the battery, and the clock stayed at that time for at least a month after wards. At some point, someone called Kayeleigh and my sister and Laurel - who all made their way over at various points throughout the morning. Transition was different this time, as my water was already broken so there was no clear preparation for it to begin. Emma woke up around 8am, shortly after I had hit transition - I recall that she was really nervous. There were a lot of people in her house, and I was moaning (she still calls me momma bear because of this). I had done a lot of prep work with her to make sure she had an idea of what was to come during her siblings birth. Lise spent most of her time with Emma, and played in the birthing pool with her to keep her distracted. At one point, someone told me, Emma got so anxious she threw-up in the birthing pool. My sister, being the amazing aunty that she is, stayed in with her while someone else scooped out the puke. I remember that more than anything else. I was getting close to the end, I was open and my baby was ready to come - but I did not want to move. I was lured out of bed with the assurance that I could go outside, and walk. Barely draped in my house coat, this is exactly what I did. As soon as I was up and walking, I needed to push... so I started to push, in the back yard. My mum and Lindsey were guiding me through my walk, and when they caught on to what I was doing I was ushered back inside. I laid on my bed, gave one enormous push and there she was. Although, no one told me she was a she - I just assumed, and I had assumed right. It was such bliss, such incredible joy and excitement. Relief and exhaustion quickly followed. Sophie Isabel Dawn was born at 10:13 am on June 10th, 2010 and it was a Wednesday. She weighed 7Lbs 8 ounces - and her hair was black. She nursed like a pro, and fell asleep as soon as everyone had cleaned up and hustled out. Emma went with Laurel for the night, and Sophie and I slept all afternoon. I just remember being amazed. Every time I woke up "it was like Christmas morning" - there was this beautiful little human, that I created and brought into this world. She was my courage that no matter what, I could do what needed to be done. And I have.