k squared.

It's taking me so much longer than I had ever anticipated to completely rid you from my life. There are still days, where I sit and wonder what your doing and where your mind goes. I often think about the route your taking, and the journeys you'll embark on. I always knew you'd do something great - I'm still sure you will. It makes me really sad some days, because I'd like to be able to call you and trust you and feel like you were still my best friend. The upheaval's of relationships that have taken place in my life in the last two years has definitely taken something important from me. I feel unable to really find roots anywhere with myself and I feel that it must be a side effect of the losses I have endured. I wonder if you read this? I wonder if you ever think about how I'm doing - how the girls are doing. Emma talks about you sometimes, and it's always hard to hear. Another persons absence I can't find words to explain to a little mind. I guess it's part of it - there will always be people who leave her little world. I just hate to see the pain in her eyes - it reflects from me, I know. I was told that there are very few kindred spirits out there, and that you'll be lucky to find any and hold on to them. I wish I could have found a way to hold on to you - that you could have found a way to knock down your walls for me. I wish you could have walked on, without holding my choices against me. I wish I could have accepted that this is who you are, and learned to appreciate it anyways. Wish in one hand, shit in the other - see which get's full first; though. If you do read this, and you do still wonder - I just want you to know that some day's I miss you. Even if you aren't sorry - I am. It takes two, and I played my role as well. I hope your smiling. for k.