I spend so much time waiting. I wait for people, I wait for thoughts, I wait for transport, water to boil, songs to play, things to happen, things to stop... I feel like I'm always waiting. It frustrates me because I *know* that only I can change it - I do not have the power to change others, but I have been granted with the power to control myself, my actions, my thoughts & my feelings. So what am I waiting for? A hand to hold? Someone to point me in the *right* direction? I don't know what I'm so scared of... maybe I'm scared of myself? scared of the paths I will choose, of making a mistake, an error in judgment (as I have so many times before). I always blame myself, always reign my frustration and anger on myself in the end. When did I become so timid? so insecure and fearful? I just want to get back back back to the place where I started - and begin again. Change my routines, because only I can direct myself. Take charge, march onward - smile, and prove them wrong. You can do it if you try...
on another note, a great family friend passed away at an old age this weekend - only 7 weeks after the death of his wife. Tragic, some would say. I think it's lovely - couldn't bother to go on with out her.. <3 that's true. In light of this, my Aunt sent this clip along the forum from a magazine she'd read. It seems to fit.
"The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get at the end of it? Death! What's that? A bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards. You should die first, get it out of the way. Then you live in an old age home. You get kicked out when you're too young, you get a gold watch, you go to work. You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You do drugs and alcohol, you party, you get ready for high school. You go to grade school, you become a kid, you play,you have no responsibilities, you become a little baby, you go back into the womb, you spend your last nine months floating ... and you finish off as an orgasm!"
Looks like you like or would like The Curious Case of Benjamin Button!
ReplyDeleteThis feeling of being passive is something we have in common: the four days of the week that I don't spend studying are mostly full of... waiting. I wait for my daughter to wake up, wait for the day to pass, etc. Don't you think it's a great luck?