all I can do is pray, that I'll make it back one day...

Today, I heard the news. My daughter has a sister. In a perfect world, this would be joyous occasion and we would be planning a trip to the hospital sometime in the next day or two so they could meet and bond in those very precious early days. The heartbreaking reality weighs on me, that they will never meet in their childhood. They will not know of each others existence, or share in special connection that only comes between sisters. When Sophie tells me she wishes I had another baby, so she could have a baby sister, my heart will ache and I will force a smile. I will tell her how loved she is, how her and her siblings are so much love already that we couldn't possibly fit another. I will hold back tears and hope that one day, she will forgive me. In a perfect world, she would never know abandonment or feel an empty space within her - and she would never have to wish. Today, I heard the news that my daughter has a sister - and my heart aches for that sweet little girl, who will never know just how loved she is from afar. She will never know there is a big sister here, wishing she could hold her close and kiss her nose. If we could only just for a moment step away from our pride, things could be different. I wish you all the best in your early baby days sweet Isla - you are loved, even without knowing it.