I'd been bluffing here for years, and now I think it's time I showed my hand..

As prepared as I can be, I will step out once again. I will hold on to my faith and trust my feet to move on command. So simple, so routine. Here I am, small like a child and fearful of nothing you can hold in your hands. I've adopted a way of dealin that maybe isn't so easy to see. I will face the days coming which give me over to the fear that holds me captive. Surely, after all this time, it'll be easier this round? Still I find everything shaken around me, like an earthquake hit and I missed it somehow. Now I'm just running around, picking up the pieces and putting up my best defenses. Do you still want inside this head? So many dark corners, so many boxes better left untouched. If you let me cry, let me break, and hold on to my hand as it sweats and I breath quickly and short - please know you are much stronger then me, but my demons know all to well how easy it is to get me when I am low. So low as I am, as scared as you will find me - I somehow find my way through it each time. Now I am never ready, never actually prepared - but that can't stop me, and it won't. Shame is fluid, and I know better now. I'm keeping my rights, I'm keeping my fears - and one day, when it's time, I'll let it all go. But for now, for today - the fear holds me, and I listen to the words of music that hold me tight and rock me gently to sleep.