I swear there was a time when I could make sense of it all - but lately it swallows me whole and I am left wandering through darkness of the innards... hoping for a ray of light to lead me out. It isn't so simple as saying one thing, because to me that one thing may mean something altogether different come morning. I remember fleeting moments of reassurance, times and places where I was confident in my decisions and behind my choices. I feel broken and I feel lost, and I don't think I can take much more of this self-inflicted pain. Surely, I must still be learning. So when it feels on and it's on with all that I've got, that's when I am closest to changing my mind. confusing, isn't it? I don't imagine that living it could be any less frustrating that being subjected to this level of indecision. So what does that say for security? trust? faith? .... if I can't hold on to a choice for more than a moment, where will that take me in the end? my head is full, my heart is heavy... jump.
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