love will not betray you, dismay or enslave you - it will set you free

There was a time that I believed with everything inside me that I would spend forever paying for my mistakes. That somehow I was to blame for every unfortunate circumstance life had dealt me. That part of my life, that longing and blame/guilt ridden time, was a monumental period of self-discovery. Living fully submerged in that mind set let me get to my lowest, allowed me to feel it all and grieve the ones come and gone. It will forever be a process of forgiveness... of reminding myself that although I went the "wrong way" time and time again, it holds no force over what direction I go next. I know in my heart that the past is better left in the past, no matter how sometimes it creeps up on me and derives that longing for what was. I will never deny myself the missing, the desire to make things "right" ... but we know that right will never be enough. So I continue to look forward, to move on to the next circumstance, and live presently in what I have today. Don't be fooled into thinking that I forgot - I am not so easily able to shed those memories. I will carry it with me, and reserve it a safe place within to stay. I hope that life is smiling on you, and allowing you to live and laugh and love openly. I hope with honesty and sincerity that the path taken did to disrupt that path meant for you. If for nothing more then my own sake, I will write the words down and whether they find you or not... know - I miss you, I'm sorry, it was never enough and I will forever be thankful for the part you playing in my life. Take care of yourself.