the distance

There was a time that I didn't believe I could live without you, and in that time I believed only you would sustain me. Two long years gone from that mind raping, and I know that the people I needed were there all along. The people who I pushed away and hid from, because of some greater power unknown to me. A weakness in me I had never seen, an inability to maintain my wants and desires due to the wants and desires of another. Still, all this time later, I am evaluating. It was described to me as "crazy love" ... there was no resistance, no caution - and definitely no paying attention to the many warning signs. I didn't want to see the negative, didn't want to know if things would go wrong. I set my eyes on the prize, and pushed through the rest. And no one sympathized when I crashed. What they did do, was help me back up... helped me pick up the pieces, mend the broken bones and nurse the wounds. They stood by me and rebuilt my heart, rebuilt my trust and security - what they did was invaluable. Here I stand before you, ready and open to start loving myself for the person I have become. I am only here because of them, and for that I am forever indebted. I made room for those who loved without fault, supported me through my absolute worst, forgave me for walking away, and cherished me for finding my way back. I am ready now to believe that it won't always end in hurt, and it won't even necessarily always have to end.... I am ready to let light back in, and believe that I don't have to be punished anymore for my mistakes. It means I have finally made it, and I've never felt more free.