No one signs up for this.
I open my eyes, smile at the sight of a fully-energized, ready-for-the-next-adventure-toddler. I give a squeeze, stretch my legs.. and within moments I am being questioned. It never fails, if I wake up smiling this boy is going to break my heart. Asking to see someone he never sees, and my answers are never good enough. But why? he asks... how come? tomorrow? and tomorrow is always an illusive promise... "yah buddy, maybe tomorrow". How long until that won't be good enough? How long until he stops asking... the girls stopped asking a few months ago, the expectation is lost. I spent so much time feeling guilty, like somehow I should prevent it from happening... somehow I should do better at making these relationships happen. It's taken me to long to realize that I am not God, and I do not micro-manage others ability to relate to their children. I let it go, and leave it in the hands of those responsible. I smile, and distract the interest to something more tangible... a puzzle, a favorite book, some more snuggles before we start the day. I didn't sign up to do this alone, but I'd rather do it alone than pretend anyone was as devoted to these three kids as I am, having that expectation constantly fall short of reality.
I didn't sign up for this, but I'm not going to let that stop me from working with what I've got.
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