heartbreak even

The mayhem that plagues the unconscious hours is riddled with the lies and deception I've run from for so long. I open my eyes, floating between reality and a dream I thought I could hold. The weight of gravity pulls me down, back to feet on the ground. I dream I've got this little girl, she has brown eyes... we're always walking to nowhere in particular. She holds my hand tightly, pulls me along eagerly... but then we get to nowhere and she's taken from me. I spend the rest of what seems like endless hours searching desperately to find her. Who took her? How did I let her get from my sight? Why can't I find her? ... and then I'm awake, and she's not real. She is just a brown eyed girl made up in my subconscious, left to haunt me. It's a long road to forgiveness, it takes a long time to heal. Sometimes, I wake up thinking if only I could stay asleep a little longer... I would be able to find her, grab her hand and never let go.