I don't know how to be something you miss

it's a chain reaction. I start to put pieces together, and make progress through the maze inside my head, in which I have been stuck for so long. Then, just as soon as the direction is there it is gone. And it's just that, I can't fix it. I can't change the direction because, the moment I do, it is a counter move to you. This is natural, how can it not be? We protect what makes us safe, it only makes sense. But when the day end comes, I realize one very important thing. Regardless of direction - I can't live being hated by someone I love. And whether that hate is shared equally for humanity, or if it is divided or if it is reserved for just those you love the most - it doesn't make it hurt any less. And so, bags packed - I am facing the unbearable. I don't want to admit this is happening, I don't want to start dealing with the pain because it means I have accepted the fate of it. But it's time, it's been too long - and so the real hurt will begin. I will lay, broken on the floor, until eventually I can pick up the pieces together again. Time heals all wounds, they say.