this time

When you want something to happen, the last thing you want to do is fight against what will make it happen. What is there to be accomplished from screaming into the receiver, claiming your property? Telling me how wrong I am, how I'm the one making the wrong choice. Despite ones opinion on another persons choices, it is still that persons choice and cramming your opinion down their throat is not the way to go about changing it. Go slowly, show the change, be secure in yourself - the confidence will come through on it's own. It's slow, it's painful - but it would be worth it. Maybe it's not? Maybe I'm wrong in thinking this is really what you want. If you're not working for it, it's likely lacking substance. It takes work, it takes time - and unfortunately the deadline has come and gone. So now we start over, start fresh - and work from the bottom up. There's room for error, there's room for experimentation - but there is no more room for stubborn angry jealous and controlling shit. The part of me that once accepted that is no longer here, she flew away when you walked out the door. Now is the time to bring the goods to the table, take the opportunity to be the person in our lives we so need and deserve. Come happy, come bearing gifts and love and gratitude. Come. But don't push me down, push me around, push me aside. I'm not backing down, this time.