you can still be who said you were

Pick it up, and start again. I mark it as a time for grief and growth, though it will always pain me some. I want to be angry that who you said you were was an illusion, and cry for the loss of a life my son should have had. Then I shake my head, and realize I am giving him the life he should have. I am giving it to all three of them, and I know we are lucky. It's been a long, difficult journey. The sadness is just around the corner, but now... it's the corner behind us. We have to make a conscious effort to turn around, and walk against the current to get to that place. It's only a short walk, but it's taken years to get away from. One foot in front of the other, taking it all in. Look around, how far we've come - isn't that something to be proud of? Pain is an important part of growth, it forces us out of our comfort (despite how detrimental that comfort is) and makes us choose. Look around you! Is this what you want? Are you happy? Are you settling? Shift, roll with the punches... but more importantly - punch back! Set your mind for what you want, and then work your ass off.... every.single.day to get it, and maintain it. Do not accept the love you deserve ... love yourself, and know your worth. Three long years, an uphill battle... but here I am, at the top, after all that climbing - and I'm sure I've earned this. It's scary as hell, that three years later, here I am starting it all over again - everything on the line. This time, though, I know that no matter what happens - the four of us can and will survive on our own. This time, I know my worth.... don't forget to breathe.