all the hard things we both gotta do

I swear there was a time when I could make sense of it all - but lately it swallows me whole and I am left wandering through darkness of the innards... hoping for a ray of light to lead me out. It isn't so simple as saying one thing, because to me that one thing may mean something altogether different come morning. I remember fleeting moments of reassurance, times and places where I was confident in my decisions and behind my choices. I feel broken and I feel lost, and I don't think I can take much more of this self-inflicted pain. Surely, I must still be learning. So when it feels on and it's on with all that I've got, that's when I am closest to changing my mind. confusing, isn't it? I don't imagine that living it could be any less frustrating that being subjected to this level of indecision. So what does that say for security? trust? faith? .... if I can't hold on to a choice for more than a moment, where will that take me in the end? my head is full, my heart is heavy... jump.

It's a little more then you bargained for

When the days are short, and time is slipping by too fast - a good habit to get into is stepping outside of that fast paced life. Doesn't have to be far, or for long - just far enough to see it from the outside, long enough to change your pace. And you may not find anything after all, but you won't know until you try. Sometimes we are searching for something we don't know anything about yet - but their is a drive, a determination, that keeps you moving. I'm looking for resolution, I'm looking for clarity... Maybe I will find it amongst the open air in Georgian bay. Maybe I will come back as lost as when I started, if not more so. But I'm stepping out all the same, and maybe I will find a way to change my pace and see this from another point of view. All be damned if this gets any foggier.