Oh eyes like wild flowers within demons of change

So simple, isn't it? To have me react, when you know my soft spots and
weaknesses. Vulnerability is not something I ever got on well with. My whole heart ache's, knowing that once again ignorance rules the actions that could so quickly rip apart my world. It's a sharp knife, and it cut deep this time. Despite my best efforts to let it roll off my shoulders, I felt as if I'd been sucker punched. So when you tell me that I have put myself above the well-being of my children, I will fight back. For I know what is true, what is right and just. As if I had to doubt it, my army stood at my side - not willing to back down... knowing this time, I was not going to falter. I meant it when I told you if you try and hold me down, I'll only get up quicker. I put everything I have into these three humans, and I will never back down from that duty. My love, my world, my life - you cannot bring me down, for long. Momentarily, I let my guard down. Momentarily, I let the hurt trickle down deep. Momentarily, I wondered if I could forgive it this time. Lesson's learned from mistakes made - holding my head up.

I've been waiting on my own, too long.

Timid. Perhaps that's a good sign. I see the road ahead, and for the
first time I think I know what to do with it. For the first time, I
think I'm ready to go and lead the way. On my agenda, on my own accord -
and eventually, as I go... it will be shared. After walking for so long
with three little hands to hold, and no one to hold mine - I am ready
to accept that being alone forever isn't in the cards. So I let my head
rush, and my heart pound, and my eyes weep. I honor my fears and my
insecurities, and I share them openly and honestly. For the first time,
I've got nothing to hide and nothing to prove. I have no reservations,
no agenda to follow, no rule that will outweigh the choices I make. I am
damn proud of who I am and where I've come and what it's taken to get
here - and letting someone share that has been earned. The journey is
half the fun - I won't let this smile fade.

dot dot dot

wine glass is empty. head is spinning. anger rising. those buttons, those goddamn fucking buttons. when will I learn that all your after is the reaction. I swear, I must be learning. Please tell me I'm learning. keep onward, shift your feet and remind yourself that words can only bring you down if you let them. I'm so happy to have found who I am without, will not let anything ruin that. stop reading, stop reacting... moving forward.