jump ship and swim, that the ocean will hold me.. that theres got to be more than this boat I'm in.

I look around and think, this has got to be enough. This is the reality - this is what you've got to work with, so work with it! Constantly waging wars against the wanting. The ongoing dialogue that I work against to chase out the demons sometimes drives me insane, and I hide in the dark and listen to the sounds of songs that drown the noise. It's something above and beyond the level of understanding I hold for the way my brain works. I am left out of the realm of understanding - so again I am left to work with what I've got. The ever present acknowledgment that only I can climb this mountain. My nails are bitten down to the skin, my hair is falling out, my body is sore and my mind is tired - but if I stop, everything stops. Tell me how, I'll ask how come. I won't let it shape me, I won't hold on to the pain - I stay close to the brook on this journey, so I can put the negative energy on a log and send it down the mountain and back to where I started. I'm working, and it's with what's in my reach. Now that I'm on the outside, I can see all the beauty of something more.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r5Or6-HOveg