thrice

I blocked the pain, held strong to my decision. No matter how much it hurts, going backwards will hurt more. I can remember a time when three years felt like a life time, and now it feels like days or even minutes past. How can so much go wrong? When you begin on ground that is already forming into a volcano, it's bound to blow. Yet here I am, still wondering if I could have done more. I pushed myself every single day to the max, out of my every discomfort and anxiety to accommodate someone who wouldn't ever consider doing the same for me. But here I am, still wondering and letting the guilt override. Three years. I wonder how long I could have held it together if it didn't reach that dreadful moment? Wondering gets me nowhere more than here, and only causes me more pain. I think I have severely underestimated my pain threshold,I for if you'd asked me if this was too much I'm sure I would have said yes. Each day is a battle, each moment is a trial. The hardest part is, I'm missing so much for lack of ability to do anything but truck on forward. Can't win for losing.