too personal. and where will that get me? what good has ever come from wearing my heart on my sleeve? my throat is sore and my voice is tired and i find myself wondering what the point is anymore. what service does it do, aside from leaving me feeling empty and raped of my pride?
... is that what it's come down too? just surrendering my integrity? what a shame. what a damn fucking shame. when the hell did I become so bendable - allowing myself to sacrifice what I hold dear and important for some illusion of security. so much brewing anger, and it just gets suppressed to the point that I wonder what I'm even doing that's productive. how can I do anything without letting that filter into it?
My uncertainty is frightening. I can't help but wonder - but never really looking deep enough to feel gratified, scared of what I might find. And please don't think for a moment that I'm not satisfied in the work I do. I know, my children are loved and well-cared for. I know, that I am good, made from solid bones and raised with the right mind. what was that you said? how can you make someone else happy, if you can't be happy yourself. tell me how.
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