cold, heavy hearts.

It's a feeling of suffocation. Desperation. Hunger for air to fill your lungs. Paralyzed by a life that is gone, a life that had barely begun. I wonder about the thought that brought that life to an end, the finalization of an emotion. A leap of faith. So much sadness, so much anger - and no answers. We will never know, never understand the motives - and we will always hold that within us. I searched the crowd for some sort of connection - some sort of reality. It doesn't even take knowing the life, to miss it. To reevaluate where you are and who you have and put into perspective what a gift breathing really is. It took me back to hating this place - hating having emotions, missing and loving and hurting and grieving. "Everyone has the right to leave on their own terms" but what about everyone left behind? What about us, sitting here in puddles of tears begging for some numbing for the pain? Is it selfish to leave? Or selfish to stay - and wallow in self loathing? Who knows... who cares? Is what it is - and no one will ever understand the motives. We will miss that smile, though.