My brain is fuzzed, not enough sleep. Not enough restful sleep. It's a hard commodity to come by when your head is fluttering from one extreme to the other, casually ignoring the agony that it's putting you through. I lay awake wondering, feeling like I could have seen it coming. I guess if that were true, if I had some kind of instinct that forewarned me of what was coming, I wouldn't have come this far. It doesn't work that way, and all I can do is learn from each step I take. It's getting harder to find the lessons in between the illusions, though. "You really need to build some supports up to those skies of yours that keep falling" ... I can still hear the tone in your voice, the insecurity in your eyes. 'Is this just another tragic end? Am I doing this again?' I hope that I proved those fears false, and relieved some of the forming pressure on your heart. I've spent a lot of time and invested a lot of sweat, blood and tears into building this castle on this island you see in front of you. To some, it may not be much - but to me, it's my world. Sometimes, here at this castle on this little island, the skies fall - and the fear is driven into me. And I'm going to go ahead and keep building up this castle, do it boldly.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XOxpvKuEruk
Keep on building it... that's the right attitude. You're already a super human creature and I know you will achieve much more in the future. But it's hard to be aware of it when you are in the midst of the whole process.
ReplyDeleteI'm staying with you in thoughts.
Love,
Your Carmen
It's good to hear from you Carmen :) good to know you stand behind me, despite it all. I think of you often - I hope that little (big) girl of yours is keeping you busy!
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