now honey if I'm honest, I still don't know what love is

Fucked up again. They got a hold of my rational, my logic, and took over. It came as sudden as an earth quake, leaving only destruction and chaos in it's path. I'm the last person who will help you understand, I just hold on to it, hoping we will rebuild. Sabotage in the name of stubborn and irrational disposition. Sabotage for the sake of self destruction. They say I don't know how to let you love me. Worth is such a fickle bitch, and I've never been all that good at weighing out the odds. I walk around, amidst the shattered glass and rubble of the storm. I want to be mad that you're still angry at me. I said I was sorry. I named it, acknowledged my faults - and logically I know it will take time to clean up the mess and earn back the trust. Irrationally, I think that it's unfair you are upset and hurt. I transform back to unaware child-like Katie, who does not understand self reflection, nor has the ability to grasp the depths of your despair. Aftermath of this type of storm, is impatience. I can read it like a book, I only wish I was better at recognizing the onset, wish I knew how to diffuse before the bombs went off destroying all of the work we've put in to building us back up again. I can say it's hard, that there are lot's of challenges associated with what we're doing, that we are stressed and there is a lot of pressure right now. I have no time for excuses lately, as it just keeps me running around in circles and my time is much to precious. So I will sit back in the shadows, be kind and loving and supportive and understanding as you regroup from the hard hits you took. I will wait until you are ready to start building again, and I'll take the brunt of the weight. I won't stop trying to learn how to show you my love, without destroying all of our work. I won't be so sorry, but instead I will give you my thanks that you withstood the storm. I told you there would be rain, and now you are seeing that instead I am a hurricane.