tear soaked pillow

Sometimes, life means silently crying in the next room when you want to scream at the top of your lungs. Sometimes, it means that you see the best of someone in the child laying next to you, even if that person is a toxic and cowardly human. Sometimes, you get sucker punched in the gut when you least expect it with emotions you thought you'd already faced. Sometimes... you wake up from a dream that felt so real, and your pillow is soaked from the tears that carried forth from the world of slumber and your heart is still aching from the pain that accompanied them. Sometimes... you just have to let it go. Let go of the strength you work so hard to perpetuate every day... and admit that you have been broken, and that it's hard. and it is hard - really hard. I look at her, and I see the raw and beautiful soul that I know he had a part in making. Despite her life being shaped by me, I cannot fight the person who instilled certain characteristics inside of her. I cannot change that they smile the same way, or have the same sense of humor. And I'm angry... FUCK am I angry. Because it's not fair, and it sure as hell hasn't been easy. She makes it easier. And than she comes out of nowhere, and hugs me from behind and tells me that I'm the best mom in the whole wide world... and it makes sense. Because she got the best of you, and that is the part I loved the most. I am angry, I am hurt, I am tired... but I am thankful. You gave her the best of you, and that is something she will have power over. Thank you - for her beautiful smile, her laughter, her sensitive soul. There's nothing more I would ever want from you - she is the best you could ever have given.