bluff

The most frustrating thing for me is not being able to communicate without being attacked. Even more frustrating, is communicating and it having NO IMPACT whatsoever. Just coming up on the same things, over and over - no logic, little understanding or desire to. Why do I keep holding on to things that give me nothing in return? I go round and round, asking the same questions - and nothing changes. I keep saying I QUIT. My bluff is always called, and I'm still here. What a huge failure - what a damn shame.

blocked

I spent a long time thinking my worth was based on what you thought of me. It's taken me even longer to understand my worth has nothing to do with you. Whether you think I'm the sun and the stars, or the dirt and the grass... it makes no difference. I can't change anything about where I've been or what I've done... and I don't want to. Everything factors in to what I've got right now, and I've made incredible strides in the last year. I've learned my worth, and I'm learning to stop basing my decisions on an opinion of an outsider. I've learned I can set goals, and achieve them - even if you don't think I can. If you're not helping me up, you're only pushing me down.

blame is much too messy. some was bound to get on you, while you were tryin to put it on me.

I can logically map out the patterns, I can see the mistakes and where they take place. I can sit back and understand my position and the part I play in the circles. So why is it that I can't stop it from happening? I lose faith in my sanity when I can continue chasing my tail, and I'm overwhelmed by the absolute disregard for my effort. Some quiet would be so nice, so cherished. some silence. Instead, I chase... round and round in circles. I can see all the dips and turns, errors and mistakes : I just can't stop it. Maybe it can't be stopped. What will be, will be. I'm only one person, and the world is on these tiny shoulders.