teetering between tired - and really really tired.

It's a three steps forward, two steps backwards kind of situation. A repeat yourself until your blue in the face - scream until your voice is hoarse - cry until your dried up like a prune, situation. Be quick to point that being hard-done-by is a job of the hardest kind and life is never easy. No one ever said it would be, did they? Walk with a stride that implies an entitlement of kings and queens. A higher power most of us thirst to get a taste of. But who was appointing hierarchy, and who decided that we could survive this way? Who ever said that the grass was greener just hadn't spent enough time on the other side of the bridge to understand that underneath the lush top layer of green grass is always a lot of dirt. Who ever said that, didn't spend enough time ripping up the grass and planting better things. It doesn't take much to get past the top layer, if that's what your after. I guess a lot of us aren't really after that - though. Just keep migrating to the next green patch until it's worn out and flattened from the weight of our expectations.

on my mind

The fog was thick, so much so, that I could only see a hundred feet ahead of me at a time. The rain started to fall so softly I hardly noticed. The ground was warm and so steam rose around me as the droplets hit the cement. The air smelt sweet which triggered a memory of some years ago, now - a canoe trip, a dreadful one at that. It rained the whole time, and our tent didn't stop the water from leaking to our bags. I felt chilled and damp the entire duration ... but there was a point on the way back, where we were canoeing through a somewhat open spot of the river (lake?) and there was a very strange tree. I remember that the air smelt the same, and there was light rain with fog floating across the water ahead of us. I can remember Mags turning, and cranking her body in an odd position to get a picture of the tree that felt eerily displaced. The air felt the same today, as it did that day - with the strange tree. I remember feeling the same sense of freedom then as I did today, as I walked without watching where my feet took me. I passed places I've been before, streets I remember - but vaguely. I walked long enough in the light rain to clear my head, and regain my grip hold on the day to day. It always catches me by surprise when something small, like the way the air smells or the rain falls, can bring me back to someplace else - to people I miss with all of my being. To kindred spirits who, despite time spent apart, still feel like somewhere I will always find comfort.